Little Miss Awesome

She's like 6, relax. Anyway, in my travels, I have seen many things, but nothing more entertaining that Little Miss Perfect.

Shot on location in "never heard of her" America, Little Miss Perfect is the holy grail of reality TV. Each episode follows a group of child pageant stars through the trials and tribulations of bringin' home the bacon. In August, I spent three sleepless days keeping up with a LMP marathon. I woke up on the 4th day with hair curlers clamped to my balls and a tube of lip gloss stuck in my ear. Like other reality TV shows, LMP relies on drama to hit me in the face, throw a bag over my head and toss me into an unmarked van (K3). UNLIKE other reality shows, the drama is brought on by "pageant moms" hopped up on Slim-Fast. I was constantly hearing phrases like "come on, we got this," or "this is what we worked for, now lets go get it." If that's not entertainment in the form of socialism, I don't know what is.

The most genius part of the show is the finale. Let me tell you, the host seals the deal with an absolutely insane version of citrus colored rainbows. I do not understand why a mother would put a child through this insanity, but I do understand why someone would take their phone off the hook, grab their Iron Gym Workout Bar, shut the blinds, and go on a 3 day LMP bender.