Can You Afford This?

72,000 stimulus payments go to dead people.

Stephen Ohlemacher, Associated Press Writer – Thu Oct 7, 4:19 pm ET WASHINGTON – A government investigator says 89,000 stimulus payments of $250 each went to people who were either dead or in prison.
The Social Security Administration's inspector general said in a report Thursday that $18 million went to 72,000 people who were dead. The report estimates that a little more than half the payments were returned.
The report said $4.3 million went to a little more than 17,000 prison inmates.
The payments were part of the government's massive economic recovery package enacted in February 2009. Under the law, the $250 payments were sent to about 52 million Social Security recipients and federal retirees.

      I can barely afford the bare necessities to keep perpetuating my becoming addictions and some asshole wrote a check to nearly 100 thousands dead mother fuckers and to 17 thousand boners in prison? I just want to know how this gets fucked up?  Maybe I'm being ignorant.  I don't know what goes on in the finical wings of the government.  Maybe the dude signing checks that week had a bad day and just didn't notice that 89,000 stimulus recipients were zeros!  I don't know, but at the same time I don't think anyone is going to tell me, but im pretty sure I know what happend.  It's pretty apparent that this is the only way something like this could happen. There is absolutely no other way of explaining it in layman's terms. 

The guy signing the checks was clearly incepted.  One of the people presumed dead was actually alive and well, sharing a duplex with Tu Pac in Turks and Caicos. He decided he wanted what was due to him.  Who wouldn't?  Alive or presumed dead your going to feel the effects of the suffering global economy and anything to cushion the blow is a huge help.  So this guy hires another rouge jahmoke who just happens to be really good at creeping into your dreams and your dreams dreams and tricking you into dreaming something that you dreamed, but he helped you dream it.  This jahmoke is instructed to to creep his way into the mind of the check signer and plant this little idea egg that every one with a last name starting with the letters SLY will get a stimulus check, no matter their current citizen status.  He does it and now the check signer just wrote the dude sharing the duplex with a Tu Pac (Jeff Slycte) a $250 check.  MISSION FUCKING ACCOMPLISHED! SHA BOOM MOTHER FUCKERS!

     Love,
         Capt. W